


Void

by Buttons15



Category: Dishonored (Video Games)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 02:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttons15/pseuds/Buttons15
Summary: Emily Kaldwin had a bit of a tic with her sword, folding and unfolding it whenever she felt anxious.  It drove Alexandria a little crazy.





	Void

Looking out into the ocean, the setting sun turning the water crimson and the salty breeze ruffling her hair, Emily Kaldwin thought of a time where boats would make her sick to her stomach. She still hated the damn things - had hated them ever since that day when she'd sat on a balcony waiting for Corvo to come back in one - but she'd learned to tolerate them, much like most things in her fairly miserable life. 

She thought, for what had to be the billionth time, about leaving. She could sneak out in the height of the night, steal a boat from the docks, or maybe buy a boat, whichever was faster, and just sail away, maybe to Pandyssa, where civilization was young and no clockwork beasts prowled the streets. Boats had been sent to the continent before, but the jarring distance made colonization impossible - few arrived at the tropical shores, and even less returned. Some would even said the ocean was directly linked to the void itself.

Emily had no doubt she could cross it, one way or the other. The Whale God would see to it. He owed her that much. She unsheathed her father’s sword - her sword now - and played with it, watching the blade dance between her fingers. 

“You’re going to lose a hand one of these days,” Alexandria commented, walking up from her room inside the ship. “And then I’ll have to stitch it back. And I'll do a terrible job, because I'm an infectologist, and all I know how to do is dismantle blood flies.”

Emily smiled, but folded the blade back anyway. She stared at the horizon in silence, until the other joined her on the rails. 

_ A boat, _ she thought absently. A boat with proper sewage system and warm showers. Those were the only things she really missed from her empress life. She could find a boat with those and sail away. Maybe live on it for a while. Not forever, just until she could figure out how to get a house with proper toilets and how to move the shower into it. She was no Sokolov, but she could figure it out.

“I’m leaving,” Hypatia told her, after a while. Emily waited for something - pain, anger, a pang of anguish in her heart. It never came. She looked at the ocean and she thought about leaving. 

“Be careful,” She finally spoke. “And be safe.”

“I thought you’d protest,” the other admitted. “I suppose I shouldn’t have expected you to.”

Emily shrugged. “Would that have changed your mind?”

“The people - my patients, they need me.” 

_ I need you too,  _ she thought, but didn’t say. “I have no one,” she said instead. “Again. I think maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.”

The blade. She flicked it open again. It was a bit of a tic, at that point. She played with the blade when she was anxious, or worried, or scared, or when she found herself lacking the words she needed to express the things she wanted to.

She played with the blade a lot.

Alexandria stared at it, wary but fascinated. “Have you ever killed anyone, Emily?”

“No,” she replied promptly, a fact which never ceased to surprise her. “Not yet,” she added.

_ Snip _ , the sword went, spinning on her palm. 

“Did you ever want to?”

She thought about each and every one of her targets. She thought about staring them in the eyes and imagining her blade running through their throats, exposing vessels and trachea until it hit bone. She thought about the possibility of watching the blood be pumped out of their bodies and feeling it run warm between her fingers.

_ Snip. _

“All the damn time.”

“What stops you?”

Emily shrugged. “I tell myself the knowledge that I  _ could _ do it is enough, and I try to believe it. There’s not one right answer, really. I work it out with myself on a case-by-case basis.” She paused, smirked. “Yours was the easiest. Nothing about it was your fault. No fault, no blame, no anger.”

“Even though I’ve killed people?”

Emily almost lost a finger. Mentally cursing, she folded the blade again. “So you remember?”

Alexandria didn’t make eye contact, staring off into the distance instead. “Bits and pieces. Enough, I suppose. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

She tapped her fingers on the rail, uneasy. “Didn’t feel like my place to tell you. Crown killer’s gone even if you didn’t remember. I’m sorry if it made you feel betrayed or coddled. Didn’t mean to.”

The doctor sighed. “It made me angry, for a while.” 

“Not anymore?”

“You’ve got plenty to worry about, other than my feelings. And you didn’t mean harm. I suppose I should be thankful, for not running me through with that sharp toy of yours.”

_ I do care about your feelings, _ she thought. “Mmh.”

There would be no rooftops to run, in Pandyssa. Nowhere to run to. No one to run from. And her father, if there was anything left of him, wouldn’t blame her for it. Quite the opposite - Corvo would want her as far away from this mess as possible. He’d been born on a simple family with a simple life until he met her mother, and Emily had a sense he was always trying to give her that. He would definitely not want  _ this _ for her - walking through the Void and carrying its mark. Perhaps she could use her unique skill set to be the continent’s best mail carrier. 

The idea was so ridiculous, she couldn't hold back a smile.

“Something funny?”

“Just thinking,” she replied. The sun was almost gone, and darkness had already begun to surround the world around them. She used to be afraid of the dark, as a kid. Afraid of things with metal teeth and black eyes that lurked in it. Things like what she had become. “You ever want to run away?”

“Sometimes,” Alexandria admitted. “But I love what I do and the people need me.”

“I need you too,” she blurted without thinking. Hypatia turned to her so fast Emily thought her neck might snap. 

“Emily?”

“Never mind,” she said, looking away, cheeks flushing. “Let Meagan know where we can drop you off. I’ll escort you to… wherever you need to be. Make sure you get there safe.”

“Emily.” She repeated, more assertive this time. “Look at me.”

Emily felt a hand hold hers, but didn’t turn. She swallowed dry, unable to make eye contact, heart hammering on her chest. There was no reason for her to be that way - she’d been with people before, several nights of sneaking out and running the roofs and picking up women in bars who would always point out how much she looked like the empress. 

_ No feelings,  _ she’d tell herself in the morning, when she left through a window. It was too complicated. Being empress brought a series of obligations and risks which she wouldn’t want to inflict on anyone. 

_No feelings,_ _no feelings,_ she repeated to herself over and over right then, even as she finally faced the doctor, even as she leaned in and their lips touched and her heart beat so hard it hurt. 

No feelings. She was a creature of the Void now. Something strange and dark and monstrous. Something alien. The Void outside her and the void inside both.

_ Am I even still human? _

Emily pulled back. 

“Delilah is my aunt,” she said, because it was just way too much and she couldn’t shoulder everything on her own. She couldn’t. “Bastard child. My grandfather’s to blame for all… this. Shunned his kid. Made her live like shit. Don’t know if I can blame her for what she’s doing.”

“Emily.” Alexandria paused. They were still holding hands, and Emily squeezed. “Do you know how many of my patients lead terrible lives? Their terrible lives are the reason they’re my patients on first place. Do you know how many of them are cruel murderers? None.”

Emily made an ambiguous sound which could have been a scoff or a whine of distress. “She found me. In the void. She dragged me to a place no one should - it’s wrong. A wrong place, and she found me there.” She took a deep breath. “And so I can’t leave. Because if she found me there, she’ll find me anywhere. She could have kept the fucking crown for all I care, but she wants… me. So I’m going to kill her.”

She felt something squeeze on her chest. Anguish. Tightening, making it hard to breathe. Emily swallowed tears. “I’m going to fucking kill her,” she repeated. “I listened to her whole sob story and I realized you know what? I don’t give a shit. I’ll run her through with my sword and I’ll - I’ll see her bleed. And I’ll enjoy it.”

“You won’t,” the other said, interlacing their fingers. “Because you’re not like that, Kaldwin, and that’s what will make you a good empress. You can’t be a good ruler if you’re not a good person, and you are - a good person.”

She stared at the mark on her hand. It burned from the inside, always, a constant reminder of something wrong with her soul. Something impure. “I’ll kill her,” she repeated, over and over. Something burned her from the inside. It was anger. Hatred.

“Will she be your first?”

“Yes.” The breath caught in her throat. She counted to ten.  _ Don’t cry _ , she told herself.  _ It’s unbecoming of an empress. _

“And will she be your last?”

“Yes,” her voice broke, and her spirit broke, and she thought  _ you ain’t empress of shit, _ and she burst into tears. 

_ Too much. _

Emily pulled out her sword, unfolded it with a flick of her wrist, and screamed as she slammed it on the wooden floor, hard enough that the board cracked. Then she crouched next to it, holding it by the hilt, and she let out all the tears she’d been holding, ever since she was ten and she saw her mother bleed out in front of her. 

“I’m fucked up,” she whispered, and then, inexplicably, broke into a fit of hysterical giggles. “I’m so fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Hypatia crouched next to her, placed a hand on her back. “But it’s not your fault, remember? No fault, no blame. That’s what you told me. Do what you have to do, Emily. I trust your judgment.”

_ No fault, no blame. _ She sat down on the floor, leaned her back against a wall and took a deep breath.  _ I can do this. I can do this.  _

“I’ll stay,” Alexandria murmured, and sat next to her. Their shoulders bumped.

Emily sat up straight, wiping her tears with her sleeve. “No. Your patients -”

“ - will find someone else. I’ve been gone for long enough that they probably already found another doctor, anyway.”

It was wishful thinking, Emily knew that, and she also knew those people were probably left to die on the corners, from one plague or another. Hypatia moved, knelt in front of her, held Emily’s face between her hands and pressed their foreheads together. “My  _ empress _ needs me right now.”

“Okay.” She closed her eyes and exhaled, allowing herself to be selfish just this once. “Okay,” she repeated, without the tremble in her voice this time. “Thank you. Stay,” she asked, dignity be damned.

“I will.”

“No,” Emily mumbled, wrapping her arms around the other’s waist. “Stay. Here. Now. Just a little bit longer.” She pressed her forehead on the doctor’s shoulder. “Please,” she said, and the word felt alien on her tongue. Emily was used to demanding things, not begging for them. 

“All right,” Alexandria whispered, moving her hand to Emily’s nape. “Shh. It’ll be okay.”

Emily extended her hand, caressed her cheek. On her skin, the mark burned. A warning. A reminder that now more than ever, good things had no place in her life. She drew in a sharp breath and grit her teeth.

_ I don’t care, _ she told herself, or the Outsider, or Delilah, or whomever else was peeking in her head at any given moment.  _ I don’t give a shit. I’ll claim what is mine. I’ll take what is fucking mine.  _

“It will,” she replied, leaning in. “Because I will make it so.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you bethesda & arkane for my life once again 
> 
> hello lesbians
> 
> "how old is hypatia in this?"  
> in her late twenties, I figure. her age was never specified so I'm placing her at maybe 27 or 28. 
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
